To try and get the idea out that the experience of hearing live music can mean many different things to different people. When it was written in '98 it was partly an excuse to vent. It was also very entertaining. please keep in mind that i was in a very dramatic and sarcastic mood that specific day. but also try not to forget that it is also a means of increasing respect between concert goers. 

for more info, read the disclaimer

The Basics

Don't bother going to a concert if you fit these characteristics.

1. You don't care about listening to the music.
2. You got free tickets for a show and don't know who the artist is and you have no interest in that genre of music, or in discovering new music.
3. You've made plans with your friends to go and spend all your money on beer and get
wasted at the show.
4. It's a general admission show and you are just going to "kick some ass."
5. If you have any sort of problem (coping with or staying out of) the musician's personal life.
6. a.) your name is Biff (or something of the like.  in my case:  Keegan)
b.) you tend to sweat, a lot.
c.) you like to remove your shirt in the middle of hot sweaty crowds.
d.) you tend to smell like beer, a lot.
e.) you like to breathe in people faces.
f.) you like to hang over people's shoulders until they feel like they are about to throw up something a bit worse then what your breath smells like.

General Rules


1. Shut up.   "You always have the option to SHUT THE FUCK UP."  --ani difranco (4-12-97)
a.) shut eet!
b.) no talking.
c.) do not initiate conversation.
d.) no screaming during songs.
e.) have respect. NO SINGING! P L E A S E. (i did not pay $30 to hear YOU.)
f.) don't yell, under any circumstances, "I love you!"  (there is simply NO need.)
g.) don't yell, under any circumstances, "You're so sexy!" or "Take it off!"
h.) don't yell, under any circumstances. (besides after-song cheering)
i.) no screeching (acting in anyway that would cause you to be classified as "Valley Girl.")
j.) no story telling or reminiscing. (SAVE IT.)
k.) no fighting.
l.) no requesting for anything. (unless asked by artist.)
m.) absolutely no yelling during ballads (i.e.. NERD! NERD! NERD!)
n.) no whistling.
o.) don't clap during songs unless requested. (it's tacky)
p.) if someone is sitting in your seat, quietly ask them to move and don't spaz out like a freak. (drawing everyone's attention around you)
q.) if you have the rare privilege of hearing sound check, SHUT UP and LISTEN!
r.) if you see someone audio or video taping do NOT under any circumstances start begging them in the middle of the show for a copy.  Ask after the show and they will usually be very helpful. (If you ask during the show they will usually get upset and give you fake information you get rid of you.)


2.)  Seating
a.)  just stay there.  (i.e..sit or dance in your area.)
b.)  your chairs are there for a reason, leave them there.
c.)  if you have row ZZ, balcony 3, bring binoculars and deal with it.
d.)  if you are really tall, and there is someone really short behind you, well, just try to be considerate will you.
e.)  unless you are dancing, don't move your head around so the people behind you have to do neck exercises all damn night. (i.e.. no swaying.)
f.)  when you feel something under your shoe, it is most likely someone's foot, and you are most likely hurting them, so do something about it.
g.)  don't jump around with a lit object in hand. (ie. cigarette) there's nothing like turning around and catching a butt right in your eye.
h.)  no having sex next to anyone trying to enjoy the show--it's a little difficult to listen to a concert when the people in the seats behind you are going at it (get a bush).  Same rules apply to the lawn--no one wants to spend the evening listening to your heavy breathing.  And if one does feel the need to have sex during a show--the bathroom is the best option--we already know not to sit on the toilets.


3.) General Admission Shows
a.)   if you want the best seats, you have to work for them.
b.)   if you're coming a half hour before show time, don't event think of trying to get up front.
c.)  don't cut.
d.)  don't push.
e.)  don't crowd surf.
f.)  don't even think that moshing is okay.
g.)  space.  it exists for a reason.
h.)  spilling your beer on others is rude.
i.)    If it's a situation where everyone's standing and very confined, and someone gets sick, get out of the way.


4.) Chill Out
a.)  musicians are the same as you and i.  (i.e.. no god or goddess terminology necessary)
b.)  relax.  take deep breaths if necessary.
c.)  if the song has a slow pace, don't partake in the running man.
d.)  no matter what the song, don't partake in the running man.
e.)  again, no screaming of any sort for any reason.  (outside of the after-song cheering)


5.) Lastly...but certainly not least

***don't be that guy. (wearing the T-shirt of the band to the show)***

compiled by Kate Peterson and Kelly Leep 7/13/98
new look - 9/3/01   
comments, suggestions, additions, experiences email me here: Peter264@msu.edu

PLEASE read this before e-mailing me!


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